Things that NEED to be said

Monday, July 25, 2011

Don't get lost in thought; you'll be a total stranger there.
I know you have to be somebody, but why do you have to be you?
If you stop telling lies about me, I'll stop telling the truth about you.
I wish I had a lower I.Q., so that I could enjoy your company.
My I have the pleasure of you absence?
You have an open mind, and a mouth to match.
There's only one thing that keeps me from breaking you in half, I don't want two of you around.
I notice that you never let an idea interrupt the flow of your conversation.
tell me, as an outsider, what do you think of the human race?
Sure, I've seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission...
Folk clap when they see you...but they clap their hands over their eyes.
All day I thought of you....I was at the zoo.

Start the conversation with "My call to (Pizza Place), take one... and... ACTION!
Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
If they repeat the order to verify it, say "OK. Your total comes to $10.99. Please pull up to the window.
Say "Are you sure this is (Pizza Place)?" When they say yes, say "Well, so is this! You've got some explaining to do!" When finally offered proof that they are really (Pizza Place), start to cry and ask, "Do you know what it's like to be lied to?"
Start the conversation by reciting the date and time, and saying, "This may be my last entry."
When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza. Repeat this nested loop until asked to stop, then explain that you got "stuck."
When they say "Will that be all?", snicker and say "We'll find out, won't we?"
When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say "You just don't get it, do you?"

Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"
When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
Stare, grinning at another passenger for awhile, and then announce, "I have new socks on."
Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is my personal space."
When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"
Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now... motion sickness!"
Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
Call out, "group hug!", then enforce it.
Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"
Tell people that you can see their aura.
If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"
While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.

Try pants on backwards. Ask the salesperson if they make your butt look big.
Go down the up escalator and start yelling angrily when you realize that you aren't moving.
Take things from people's carts and see if they notice.
Go to a vending machine and order a can of soda. Then take it out, shake it up, and leave it in the machine and wait until someone comes.
Go to a clothing store and buy clothes that is for the opposite gender and is 10x too big for you. Return it in 20 minutes, saying that you weren't quite "feeling it".
Find a bench with someone sitting on it. Sit on the opposite end as them. Slowly inch your way closer to them until your touching them.
Go near a bathroom and then ask someone where it is. When they point it out to you, give them a dirty look and walk away.
Ask if a particular saw cuts through bone.
Buy a bunch of clothes. Return them later, and when the salesperson asks why, say "they didn't look good on my dog"
Pose as a dummy in a department store.

Walk backwards and when you bump into someone yell, “Watch where you’re going! Geez!”
Pretend to fall asleep and when anyone touches you or talks to you, ‘wake up’ and yell, “Can’t anyone get some decent sleep around here?”
Run into walls and apologize to them.
Every time you see one of your friends, shout, “Hello!” really loudly from across the room.
Say serious things in a sarcastic tone and sarcastic things in a serious tone.
Bring in a metal cup with some change in it and start clanging it around as if you’re a beggar.
Hand out detention slips to people you dislike while wearing a band labeled “Detention Monitor
Grin broadly and say, “I didn’t take my medication today!
Draw a stick figure and ask your art teacher, “Isn’t it beyootiful?”
Have conversations with yourself.
Dance to your classes.
Bring a Glad product to school and whenever someone gets mad at you, say, “Don’t get mad! Get Glad!” Then hold up the Glad product.
Randomly shout, “Are we there yet?”
Run down the halls screaming, “Bob is coming! BOB IS COMING!
Stare at someone and if/when they stare back at you, yell, “Staring is extremely impolite!